virtue and vice presidents

So I forgot that I started this blog. Earnest apologies.
This post stems from the recent episode of a TV show I never watch: The Colbert Report. In an episode earlier this week the host uses Sarah Palin's own speech to make her sound "f-ing retarded". I really don't care about Sarah Palin, but it made me curious about other past presidential candidates.
But they aren't that interesting.
It's the vice-presidents, that's where it's at.
Some might argue that "the vice presidency of America isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss", but we've had some characters. Point in case:

-Dan Quayle. Baller. And he was a DKE. He epitomizes the "good ole boy" system. And his last name is Quayle. Find me any person born between 1987 and 1995 who doesn't immediately think of the Nickelodeon show "Doug".

-Al Gore. His list of impressive life-time achievements includes inventing the internet, demanding a recount, spreading the gospel of global warming, and winning a Nobel Peace Prize.

-Dick "Darth" Cheney. Aside from looking like Darth Vadar, he also shot someone while quail hunting (see Quayle above). Do we even need to mention his involvement with Halliburton? Though I do believe the piece de resistance is the fact that his daughter Mary really stuck it to him when she came out of the closet.

While these are some pretty crazy VPs, there is one I wish I could add to this list.
John Edwards. Nope, not Howard Dean, but John Edwards.

Not that I really liked John Kerry (nor was I even able to vote at the time, though not for lack of trying. Did you know you can be detained for trying to vote at 15?), but Edwards would have fit in nicely with the vice presidents. He had an extramarital affair, a love child, a sick wife, and a charming accent. My favorite fun fact about Edwards though is that in 2004 when he was Kerry's running mate he actually received one electoral vote. Yep. RECOUNT THAT, GORE.

But really, it was what they call a "faithless elector" in Washington. Faithless electors are members of the electoral college who vote differently than they pledge. In 2004, a Minnesota delegate voted for Edwards, presumably by accident, but we just can't know for sure. In most states it is illegal to be a faithless elector, probably because of the mess they caused back in 1836.

So it's 1836. America has been a country for less than a hundred year, Manifest Destiny was a thing of the future, slavery is the south's predominant economic strength, and Martin Van Buren was seeking the presidency. Unfortunately Van Buren's running mate, a Mr. Johnson, was not well-liked for actually living with an African-American woman, but he was a war hero after all. He killed the Indian chief Tecumseh like a good 19th century American.
But his marriage to a slave really pissed of the 23 electors from Virginia so much that they all voted for Van Buren but changed their VP votes. Johnson didn't have enough VP votes, so the Senate, for the first and only time, had to vote for the VP. They did choose Johnson in the end, but his political career flopped.

So to conclude this long-winded tangent I'll just say one last thing:
You go, Richard Johnson. It was 1836 and you married a slave. A mulatto slave. AND you were the vice president. You fit in so well with the modern VPs it's not even funny. But you would have been a better running mate for Obama than for Van Buren.